Krissy's China Song

I look back at my life and I remember the joy and the satisfaction that I had in having Christ as my One and Only..the One who held my affections completely and who I went to first in all my decisions. Yet I feel like I've gotten lost somewhere and I don't know how to find my way back to the Lover of my Soul. My joy has been sucked out of me and I'm just waiting for the day when I can sit back and rest and my thoughts don't race from one thing to the next...hoping that one of those distractions will bring me satisfaction in this life. I'm realizing that although work, family, health, service, and friends are all good things given by the Lord, if they are above Him it can lead to so many dysfunctions like getting your identity from what you do, living for approval and being dependent on others for your worth and purpose in life. I really feel like the more I try to figure out how to get back on the straight and narrow, the more I complicate it by bringing in my human reasoning and analyzation into the mix. I LONG for acceptance, for love, for a sense of belonging, being part of something bigger than me, relationships that dig beneath the surface of superficiality, prayer that connects sinner/Savior, worship that flows spontaneously out of the human spirit, and a heart that is out-wardly focused towards other's needs. I know that I keep trying a myriad of other solutions to try to fill the void of loneliness in my spirit. I just feel displaced and somewhat wandering. Lost in a woods directionless looking pretty flowers that distract me from my bigger goal of finding my destination.

I was playing a song on the guitar by a band called Audio Adrenaline and the Lord spoke to me so clearly through the lyrics:

"It's a dark and lonely and the path is unclear
Can't move my feet because I'm frozen with fear
Then you say, My child, my child
I am always near
I am by your side

I'd leave ninety-nine, Leave then all behind, to find you, For you alone.
I'd leave ninety-nine, Leave them all behind to find you...

You're never too far down
I promise you'll be found
I'll reach into the blood and miry clay
Pursue you to the end
Like a faithful friend
Nothing in this world could keep me away"



I think this song reminds me that while I'm frantically searching for fufillment for the void, He has always been right beside me. Waiting, hoping and anticipating the day when I would turn my affections toward Him rather than my other pursuits.

I found a song that I had written in a journal that reads:

"He could have busied Himself with the rulers of the world and the triumphs of this earth
and keeping the stars shining to their exact degree
But as I occupy myself with daily busy-ness
He is occupied with me.

Oh what love has poured
from the wounds of the King
Whose lips utter 3 simple words
Igniting my heart to sing

I love you, I need you, You're my only
Yes you're my only"


I think I'm discovering that in order to not have idols in my life, I need to spend time intentionally in prayer with my Creator. And that requires discipline, that I don't have but I know that He will give me the grace to move into that. Choosing to orient my day around an hour of meeting time with Jesus and letting His perspective of me and the world and His people, His sheep, wash over me...so I can face each day knowing that He is right beside me, cheering me on, giving me His approval and calling me beautiful. I want my eyes to be focused on His so that the only approval I crave is His. I want to purposely say NO to the over-indulgence that our culture screams at us as a means to fufillment and choose sacrifice and self-control with the Holy Spirit giving me the power to live abundantly on His riches. I need His help to wake up early and spend time with Him...to make Him a priority rather than an afterthought. I want to say no to the lies that scream that I will never be good enough and ask me What is wrong with me and send me into a cycle of fear, anxiety and indecision. I long for peace and a sound mind knowing that admist the changes, HE is in control and He always is FOR me and is working everything together for my good. (Rom 8:28) I want to know the TRUTH, not just pop-culture Christianity or what the preacher says on Sunday morning, but what it says in the Word and having the Holy Spirit open up MY eyes to what He is saying. Clarity. Objective. Reality. I long for eternity and purpose in the here and now and knowing that I don't have to control it but I can live my life surrendered to the Holy Spirit and He will make all things possible.

I'm so glad He found me.


I'm so ready to leave my pursuits and come running back into your arms Jesus. Thank you for pursuing me. You are so faithful. I love you.


Much love, 

Krissy

BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL

Don’t know how it is You looked at me
And saw the person that I could be
Awakening my heart
Breaking through the dark
Suddenly Your grace

(Chorus)
Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain
But even perfect days can end in rain
And though it’s pouring down
I see You through the clouds
Shining on my face

I have come undone
But I have just begun
Changing by Your grace

~Francesca Battistelli

I am finding out who I am. Would you like a Definition? Glad you asked.

 I am....
Morally corrupt.
Utterly Broken.
Completely Dependent.

Graciously Redeemed.


My success is not defined by:  my place of employment. possessions. marital status. popularity.

I am determined to live as a fool in this life to gain unmeasurable wisdom and reward in the next.

Satisfied with what I have, rather than dissatisfied with what I don't have. I am grateful.

Bold humility. Setting aside my interests for His. Pursuing His interests. Not mine.

The Cycle of Adventure, fulfillment and thrill in trusting His strength in my weakness. His ability in my inability.

He delights in me. I am loved. Remembered. Desired. Spoken for. Chosen. Satisfied. Provided for. Infused with Life. Priceless. Precious.

and above all...I am KNOWN. (inside-Out. upside-Down. backwards-Forwards. beginning-End. forever-Ever)

Lies no longer have priority in my thinking process. I am not less-than. He is good enough. He is more than Enough.
No more shame. No more guilt. No more condemnation. No more inferiority. No more rejection.

I am adopted. I am chosen. I am valued. I am stubbornly loved....and there is nothing I can do about it except....ACCEPT IT.

I was complaining to our Father today about feeling a lack of acceptance and He reminded me that is how He feels too. He..the Creator of the Universe, The Maker of all Mankind. The Everlasting Father. The Great I AM. The Holy One. The Incarnate Deity.... just wants to love.... me. To cherish me. To hold me in His arms and whisper sweet nothings into my ear. To show the world how PROUD He is of His beautiful bride....yet I spurn Him and chase after other pursuits that seems more worthy of my time and attention. Perhaps if I am rejected by others, rejecting the One who really is pursuing me is my way of escape. I don't have to be vulnerable, because Love won't tear down this calloused brick wall I have build around my heart. No, Love is a gentlemen. He is like the best friend who listens to me, is there for me, serves me, sacrifices for me, gives His life away for me...yet I am fixated with the temporary mirage of the cultural perfection of a lover who promises me the WORLD, success, popularity, position, attraction, security, ....it is so fleeting that it does nothing but leave me unfulfilled, dissatisfied and longing. longing. longing. Maybe if I catch him...maybe next time I will be happy...maybe next time it won't fade so quickly..maybe next time I will really find true happiness and my craving, my deep inner longing will be quenched by this mirage of an abundant waterfall of cultural and worldly promises.

The catch is...this world is NOT my home. I will never fufill this deep inner thirst until I am raised again to new life and I'm with Him in the heavens.
But I have been given...
 A raincheck.
A guarantee.
An "I owe you".
A promise.
A hope.

Ephesians 1:14
"The SPIRIT is His guarantee that he will give us everything He promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people."

These passages have been instrumental, pivotal, riveting and satisfying in the shaping of my paradigm of how I view my visit on this planet. Will I live a life pleasing to Him? What exactly is His "Will"?  What is REAL life...TRUE life?

I cannot do diddly squat on my own, but in His mighty redeeming power He takes my weak and corrupt heart and transforms it into potential and beauty that I never thought possible.

There is HOPE.

Hope is ALIVE.

Hope is a PERSON.
 
Ephesians 2:12, 19 In those days you were living apart from Him. You were excluded from His people, and you did not know the promises God had made to them. You lived in this world without Him and without hope. But now you belong to Him. Though you were once far away, now you have been brought near to him because of the blood of JC. ....you are no longer strangers and foreigners. you are citizens along with all of His holy people. You are MEMBERS of His family.

Ephesians 2: 8-10 And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from our Father. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are His MASTERPIECE. He has created us anew in JC, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Ephesians 1:4 Long ago, even before he made the world, He loved us and chose us in Him to be holy and without fault in his eyes. His unchanging plan has ALWAYS been to adopt us into His own family by bring us to himself through JC. And this gave him GREAT PLEASURE.

Ephesians 5:15 So be careful how you live, not as fools but as those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity for doing good in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but try to understand what He wants you to do. Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead let the HS fill and control you. Then you will sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, making music to Him in your hearts. And you will always give thanks for everything to Our Father in the name of JC.

Phil 2:3-4, 13 Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. don't think only about your own affairs but be interested in others too, and what they are doing. ....For He is working in you giving you the desire to obey him and the power to do what pleases him...You are to live clean, innocent lives as children of Our Father in a dark world full of crooked and perverse people. Let your lives shine brightly before them.

Phil 3:8 YES, everything else is WORTHLESS when compared with the priceless GAIN of knowing JC...I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey His law, but I trust JC to save me.

Phil 4: 6 Don't worry about ANYTHING, instead pray about everything. Tell Him what you need and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. his peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in JC.

Phil 4:19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply ALL of your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in JC.

Col 1:13 For He has RESCUED us from the one who rules in the kingdom of darkness and he has brought us into the Kingdom of his dear Son. He has purchased our FREEDOM with His blood and has forgiven ALL of our sins.

Col 4:12b ...asking Him to make you strong and perfect, fully confident of the whole will of God.

Col 3: 16 Let the words of JC, in all their richness, LIVE in your hearts and make you wise.

1 Thess 5:16-22 Always be joyful. Keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for THIS is his will for you who belong to JC. Do not stifle the HS. Do not scoff at prophecies, but TEST everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. Keep away from every kind of evil.

1 Tim 6:6,10 People who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil...pierced themselves with many sorrows.

1 Tim 6:18 Tell those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which will soon be gone. But their trust should be in the living One who richly give us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and should give generously to those in need, always being ready to share with otheres whatever He has given them. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future (REAL SECURITY) so that they may take hold of REAL life.



He is so beautiful...and I'm so in love.


Love,

Krissy

I talked to the lil bro and my Dad on Skype for 2 HOURS (crazy cool, I know)
Went to a Muslim restaurant and ate bread called "nan"
Worked out at the Chinese gym and watched the only buff men in China flex their muscles for themselves in the mirrors
I wore sandals today, because it is that warm
We went to STARBUCKS and read books (Oh my, heavenly) Let me tell you.
I miss our outings to Barnes and Noble INTENSELY.
We wandered around the mall and I got TCBY (NOT KIDDING!!!!!!!) So pumped.
Took a taxi ride home and listened to 88.7 on the radio (ba ba chi) << In Chinese, and my roomie tried to keep a beat and was sucessful!
We watched a movie called "New in Town" that has strong Minnesotan accents (intentional) and it breaks out into Russian in the middle (non-intentional)

Cya~Krissy~

"So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me S.O.S.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me S.O.S." - (Lyrics of the song "SOS" by ABBA)

Little did I know that ABBA's SOS would make it China. So, it is funny story time with Kristina! Are you ready?

Today as I was teaching my fifth grade class, I called on my student, Anthony, who sits in the very back corner. (He actually pronounces his name, "Anne - Tony") hahaha.
I know that he isn't one of the best students in the class, but I refuse to only call on the students who I know will give me the right answer all the time. So, I call on Anthony and he hesitantly stands up. I point to my phrase that is written in dusty chalk on the green chalkboard:

" Tomorrow is ______________ . "

He looks to me with his pleading eyes and then around to his classmates. Usually a classmate will cheat and tell him the answer if he does not know. This time, however I told his classmates that he must answer the question himself. I start saying the sentence for him.."Tomorrow is..."

Anthony suddenly gets a little sparkle in his eye. I get really excited, thinking that Anthony might actually be able to give me an answer in English...but as his grin widens over the next 2.5 seconds without any English words coming from his mouth, I begin to wonder.

Then finally, Anthony cries, "Miss Kristina! S.O.S.!"

hahahahahahaha, I started cracking up. Oh, Anthony, ABBA would be proud. SOS, indeed.

I know so often when I don't know answers in life, I tend to try to come up with the answers myself or look to those around me to give me their advice. However, life was designed so that we would be dependent on the One who knows ALL the answers and WANTS to give us direction enough for our next step if we would only call to Him and trust in Him. Oh, that we would as readily call "SOS!" to Our Abba.... just like Anthony! For unlike us, He KNOWS what "Tomorrow is " !


Love ya!

Krissy